Mapping What Actually Matters

How to identify authentic vs inherited values—and create alignment between beliefs and actions.

You probably inherited most of your values without realising it. Family beliefs, cultural assumptions, societal expectations—all absorbed unconsciously during development. The question isn't whether these values are right or wrong, but whether they're genuinely yours or simply familiar.

"For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour," writes Viktor Frankl in Man's Search for Meaning. Your authentic values emerge through conscious exploration, not automatic adoption.

The Difference Between Values and Goals

The stepping stones in nature represent how life direction emerges through conscious choices that build on each other, creating path that's uniquely yours.

Goals are destinations you want to reach. Values are how you want to travel. Goals change as circumstances change. Values provide consistent guidance regardless of external conditions.

Authentic vs Inherited Values

Inherited values feel heavy, obligatory, driven by "should." Authentic values feel energising, chosen, driven by "want to." The difference becomes clear when you examine the source:

Ask yourself: Do I believe this because I was taught to, or because it resonates with my direct experience? Does living this value give me energy, or drain it? Am I pursuing this to please others, or because it genuinely matters to me?

Why Meaning Emerges Through Relationship

"Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked," Frankl continues. Meaning-making happens through engagement—with people, with challenges, with opportunities to contribute.

Values clarification isn't a solo intellectual exercise. It's an ongoing conversation between your inner compass and external experience. What matters to you becomes clear through action, not just reflection.

Practical Meaning-Mapping Exercises

Values clarification through direct experience:

Energy audit — Track what activities give you energy versus what drains it. Your authentic values are often connected to energising activities.

Peak experience analysis — Identify moments when you felt most alive and aligned. What values were you expressing?

Future self visioning — Imagine your ideal future self. What principles guide their decisions? What do they care most about?

Value-action gap assessment — Compare what you say matters with how you actually spend time and energy. Gaps reveal areas for alignment.

Creating Value-Action Alignment

Personal values only matter when they guide actual choices. This requires translating abstract principles into concrete behaviours. If creativity is a core value, how does that show up in your daily schedule? If relationships matter most, how does that influence your priorities?

Authentic living emerges when your choices consistently reflect your consciously chosen values rather than unconsciously inherited expectations. This alignment creates internal coherence that generates both satisfaction and effectiveness.

Which of your current values truly belong to you, and which might be inherited expectations ready for conscious examination?